honky tonk & homeless people

This weekend wasn't necessarily perfect for health & fitness, but it certainly wasn't the worse & definitely a step up from last weekend. 
BUT it was a fun weekend! 

Friday started off at Beyond Fit. I had the day off so I got to go to a morning class- which I highly prefer. It was my first real work out all week. I knew I needed an ass kicking, but I wasn't expecting this: 

In case you can't read that board (which I thought: "well, I must be misreading this" upon my initial view) It went like this: 
Warm up was pretty tame. Some squats & chest presses. But the body of the work out was... well it was fucking retarded guys. 

* 30 pull ups started us out. & No. I can not to pull ups unassisted (and really haven't tried since like.. the 3rd grade?) So, we had those big ass rubber bands around my feet. The first eh... 18 were a breeze. And that was the only breezy part of the next 35 minutes. 

* Kettle Bell 1 legged dead lift. 30 on each side. So, basically this exercise may as well be called "hey- you weren't planning to walk up or down stairs at all for the next week, were you? Oh. Sucks to be you bitch". (but I don't think that would have fit on the board)
*Decline push ups. 60. 60 fucking push ups. Okaybye. 
* Sandbag clean spuat, overhead press & slam. Ok, so this is kind of hard to explain in writing but it involves taking a 20 lb sand bag & using your whole body to slam it on the ground & also you include a squat in there. 60 of these bad boys. About half way through I kind of just had to take a walk around the gym & regroup because IT WAS REALLY REALLY FUCKING HARD.  
* Cross body mountain climbers. 60 (30 on ea side) I really, really hate these because I always feel like it's squeezing the part of my body that controls the barf. And- it hasn't happened yet- but I bet it would be really embarrassing to barf in front of a bunch of people. 
* 30 more rubber band pull ups. My shoulders & arms were goddamn jelly at this point. I was doing them 3 at a time, so this took me like... like just way too long. 
Yeah, this whole thing took about 35 minutes & then after this we do 10 minutes of some steady workout like jump roping or jogging. I did the rowing machine. And then I struggled to climb in my car & got my ass home

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So, the rest of Friday was pretty chill. I actually had Saturday off! I was pretty stoked to sleep in (yeah, 8:30 for me is like seriously sleeping in). I did manage to make it to the gym that morning. I did a 35ish minute cycle sequence. Fuck, y'all. Why is it so hard? I made a pretty great playlist & promised myself I could stop when the 7 songs (35ish min) was over. 

I refuse to be ashamed of my dirty love for Ke$ha.

And that is the last I want to talk about exercising! Unless we're talking about exercising our rights to have a fantastic Saturday (why did I say that? I'm sorry).

Around noon Steve & I made our way down to the Laguna Gloria Museum. It was adorable. Except for this little guy: 

Isn't this just the cutest? The grounds were beautiful, the house was adorable, the little old lady that did the tour was cute. It was only $5 & right next to it is a park with a shitload of peacocks (how many time in your life will you get to say "shitload of peacocks?). It's certainly worth making your way over to this part of town on a pretty day. And hey! Then I found this handsome guy just wondering around: 

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I can has yo number?

So, moving on. 
That night we had made plans to go to a two-stepping lesson & I'm not going to lie. I was NOT excited. 
Last time we did this we went to The Broken Spoke for Steve's birthday (I'm not going to link to their page because I don't want anyone knowing I'm saying not great things about them because in my mind everyone comes & reads this page because I'm really really delusional) 
Look. Somehow I'm the only native Texan that didn't grow up doing the two-step & as a result I'm real real bad at two-stepping. But! I thought "great! We'll take lessons & I'll learn to two-step & I totally won't leave this bar full of rage & pent up embarrassment." (this is called foreshadowing) 
 So, we paid for our lessons & I told the teacher that we were new to this. The teacher was sort of a prissy super Southern lady with way over done Miss Me jeans & one of those face microphones. 
Long story short: I couldn't get it & she made fun of me & kind of yelled in her face microphone in front of everyone in the class. 
And then our waitress disappeared for most of the night & reappeared & offered me a Red Bull from the trunk of her car. So- I was underwhelmed to say the least (tho after I got drunk I'm 90% sure I tried to do the Safety Dance to the live country band. So, I win in the end)

So- yeah. I was apprehensive to say the least about trying the lessons at The White Horse. But, I put on my (vegan) cowboy boots (effin love Madden Girl) & tried to do my hair as big & Southern as I could. 

... but I think it turned out more Nancy Sinatra than I intended

Fast forward, we make it to the White Horse- over on the east side & we walk in & I kind of immediately fell in love with this place. It was so old school & worn down & everyone acted like they knew each other & they were handing out goddamn birthday cake to every customer. 
Oh! & then I go to order drinks & it was only $7 for two cocktails (I don't know if vodka soda is a "cocktail", but anyway) 
Finally, the dance lessons started & it was actually really fun & not at all intimidating & I didn't get yelled at! Not even once!

So, basically we stayed there a few more hours because the atmosphere was killer, the people were nice, the instructors were awesome & the drinks were so so cheap y'all. And hey.... that handsome guy from the museum showed up: 

...stalker

After that we stopped and got Thai food because I don't know how to say no to Thai food. I didn't get the Pad Thai which is always the wrong move. Ugh. I mean it was fine, but it could have been so much more. 

Oh! And then we had an awesome experience at the bus stop. If you're not going to read anything else I ever post on this blog- please at least read the following!!!!!
Um.. So, backstory. I don't think I've ever mentioned on here because most of you probably know me & Steve. But if you're new (welcome! I like you!) something you should know to make this make more sense: my boyfriend is a foreigner. In the words of Paul Rudd from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"... he sounds like he's from London

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So, at the bus stop some homeless looking woman strikes up a conversation with Steve. I really wasn't paying attention (because I bought M&M's ok? I was in M&M world & I'm not proud of it) but I think they were talking about the royal family- who Steve really isn't a fan of & she asked him if he was excited about the Royal Baby (is that right? Is that what we call it?) & I chimed in 
"It feels like Kate Middleton has been pregnant for years!". 

And, honestly, all I meant by that was that to me it feels like the Royal Bun has been in that oven for approximately 3 years. Like- the media has been on it for much longer than 9 months- ya know? 
But Homeless Looking Lady took this as ... an insult? So here's how that exchange went 

Homeless Looking Lady: So, are you excited about the Royal Baby?
Steve: No, I kind of don't really care
Me: It feels like Kate Middleton has been pregnant for years! 
Homeless Looking Lady: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?! MY FAMILY HAS BEEN WORKING FOR THEM FOR GENERATIONS. THE MCDOUGLES HAVE BEEN LOYAL SUBJECTS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY FOR YEARS AND WE DON'T NEED THIS SHIT FROM YOU. SO YOU BETTER PICK IT UP YOU STUPID SLUT!!!!

And then she stormed off. And I don't have a photo of what my face looked like at that moment, but I'm gonna take a picture now & show you what I bet my face looked like after this transaction: 

And then another homeless lady changed shirts- and bras- right by the bus stop. 
So, basically what I'm getting at is that downtown Austin is a magical, magical place. 
Happy Sunday, everyone!