This weekend wasn't the best for healthy eating, but it also certainly wasn't the worst ever. Certainly wasn't the worst. 
BUT today is another day & I woke up this morning with a healthy mind frame & headed to the gym 

I really, really wanted to get in a good hour long cardio jam, but it had been raining that morning & it's Austin in nearly-July so it was hot & muggy as a mothafucka outside, so going for a run was totally, totally, just totally out. & frankly, the idea of hopping on a machine for an hour straight sounded fucking boring. 

SO! I created a great cardio-based circuit that I will now share with you (you're so welcome.)

I started on the rowing machine & did 10 minutes here. Beyond Fit often uses rowing machines in their workouts, so I'm starting to get a little more comfortable with this contraption. I swear the first handful of times I tried one these machines I kept getting my damn feet awkwardly stuck in the ...foot.. things (whaddya call those?) 
It wasn't until Chad at Beyond was just like "Yeah, you just push the strap thing down like this" that I realized how user friendly this machine actually is. 
Last circuit I went to at Beyond they encouraged us to try to row 200 watts which is HILARIOUS because when I am just going with all my might I rarely get above 130 watts. 

After 10 mintues there, I did an abreviated version of the obliques blaster workout: 

• 10 burpees
• 15 Left sided V-ups
• 20 Russian twists (total, not on each side. Because I don't hate myself)
• 15 Right sided V-ups
• 12 (on each leg) walking lunges with 5 lb weights (I know, not obliques, but I was feeling crazy)

Next, I moved onto the next cardio set, which I thought was going to be the stair stepper, but I don't know if I'm stupid or if those machines are stupid, but I just... couldn't... do it right (?) So, instead I did the stationary bike. No, not the lounging one, but the tall one that's like the ones in spin class. 

Fuck. fuckmylife, y'all. This certainly was the most challenging part of the workout. I couldn't do the whole 10 minutes on a difficult incline so I did a intervals consisting of 90 seconds steady pace/ 30 second "what the fuck is wrong with me" pace (why is that not already a setting on this bike?). Back & forth for 10 minutes. 

Y'all. I was such a gross sweaty mess on my next round of the burpees & v-ups, etc... I left a huge puddle on the mat where I was laying. 
...And I wonder why I never make friends at the gym.

The next block was 10 minutes on the elliptical. I did a pretty steady interval. This was certainly the easiest part of the whole time at the gym. After this I finished the last round of the oblique blaster (plus lunges) & called it a day at a 50 minute work out! It was challenging & I feel like I really got a good cardio in without getting bored! 

As I've mentioned, I'm reading Kimberly Snyder's "The Beauty Detox Solution". I'm not super far into it yet. Basically the first half of the book is about the basic gist of her suggested way of eating. Explaining why this food is good & why this food is good to eat in this order & which foods don't go well together & which foods digest best eaten in which order. 
And then the second half of the book discusses how to put that into action. She keeps talking about her Glowing Green Smoothie & clients of hers that have changed nothing except adding one or two of these a day to their diet & the benefits of it. So, bitch -I had to skip a head a little & get the recipe. 
In mine I've been using spinach, arugula (ATTENTION: I'VE DISCOVERED I LOVE ARUGULA), cilantro, lemon, whatever fruit I have around (usually green apple or banana) & cucumber. Zap it in the blender & I like it way more than I expected to. 
It's a great way to tide yourself over until a next meal & also it's a freakin fantastic way to get tons of fiber & energy boosting vitamins. If nothing else, I'm hooked on this as a middle morning/late afternoon snack. 

And every time I drink it I sing "So fresh & so green, green!" (like the outkast song) because I'm really, really white (like, so white)

Oh, before I go- I want to leave you with this image. 

The ladies at BeauCooo posted this on their Twitter. I don't like totally get what the BeauCoo website is all about, but you should absolutely be following them on Twitter. Constantly posting tons of body positive stuff (and also just self positive) & make me smile on the damn-daily. 

So, what this says to me is that no one is going to make money off telling you how awesome you are & that is exactly why there are millions of self help books & no "Fine Just The Fucking Way You Are" books. 
So, I am here to tell you- that I may never make any money off this, but you are awesome. You are fucking fantastic & don't let some billboard or advertisement or the voice in your head tell you otherwise. 

You fucking foxy fox you. 

Let's talk about Mexican food real quick. 
There is something magical & wonderful yet horribly, horribly wrong about Mexican food. Now, I don't mean authentic Mexican food (which I'm sure is still horribly unhealthy, but hey! Authenticity has street cred). I'm talking about Tex Mex, of course. 
Of course I am. 
If you're from Texas- you know what I mean. There's something oddly comforting yet fucking bastardly about a big bowl of queso

Yesterday. Yesterday- I kind of showed Mexican food that "No. I am in control of this relationship, bitch"-- which is kind of huge! 

So, yesterday after work I made my way to BeyondFit & had my ass handed to me by Tricia. Y'all. I totally forgot my sports bra & almost didn't go to class as a result because, fuuuuck- boobs are the worst sometimes. Especially whilst doing jumping jacks. (Jack jumping?) But I went. I jumped the jacks. With ropes. I ran & rowed & lunged & sweated my ass off! 
So, it was a success. 

And then I got a text from Steve seeing if I wanted to go see a Mariachi band. Goddamnit, I love a good Mariachi band. Try to be in a bad mood while looking at this: 

You can't. You simply can't. It is the best good-mood-inducing music & visual one can have. 
Initially I said no because calories, calories. But then I thought of their little funny hats & silly little pants & how sometimes they'll go around & serenade some poor patron who is just trying to eat their chimichangas. And it's the best. It's just the best. So, I went. 

On an empty stomach. NOT SMART. 


Austin is a great city for vegetarians & healthy living so I just kind of assumed I could find something to eat, but Jalisco's had different plans. 
Y'all. Even ALL of their salads had beef on them. 

The only, only thing they had on the menu for me was the veggie fajitas. Which actually turned out fine. I got that with out the rice, pinto beans on the side, didn't use the tortillas or sour cream. Now, I'm sure they cook the veg in a shit load of butter or something, but given the circumstances- I think I did Okay, goddamnit! 

Then some guy at the bar sent us over a Margarita. I asked Steve if it'd be rude to return it for a glass of wine- which got little response. I felt way rude, so I took took about 3 good size sips & called it a day. 

So, basically I showed the chips & the queso & the fried things & the cold drinks that I control when I eat you- you don't make me eat you by just being around and smelling so fucking delicious.

BAM BITCHES.  

That's it. 
I'm throwing that damn scale out the window. 
It doesn't serve any purpose except for upsetting me & making me feel unhealthy (unless it's a rare occasion when it actually makes me feel good about myself. Which is kind of jacked too)

I found this funny thing & it made me feel a little better

Oh, you have no idea how strong my desire to walk down the street wearing only my Ray bans, birds-a-blazin' this morning. 
However, after stepping on my scale I took off my running shoes & got back in bed because I seriously just wanted to hide under my covers & never see the world again. 

Sigh. 

Sunday brunch. Sunday brunch is what did it. 

When I go somewhere that has healthy options, I like to sing the restaurant's praises for helping a gal stay fit. Moonshine Patio Bar & Grill is not that place. But, their brunch is legendary & my willpower was low so curiosity got the best of me.  
I'm sure I could have gone healthier, but when I pay for an all you can eat- I really feel like I should get my money's worth. 
Oh, did I not mention it was an all you can eat buffet? Have I also failed to mention before how I consider buffets a personal challenge? Because I really,really do. 
There was the good- deviled eggs, a light pasta salad, a fruit bowl, steamed greens
The not so bad- pesto cheesey eggs, roasted potatoes
Then there was dessert. 

"Our specialty is our bread pudding" Said the waitress. 
 "Whatthefuck is bread pudding" I asked myself. 
Oh, I found out. 
I found out exactly whatthefuck bread pudding was. Several times. 

Sigh. As I told Steve this morning, I need to quit screwing myself all up on the weekend. To which he nodded and said he loved me because there's really nothing anyone can say to me when I'm in a "I hate my body/ I hate myself" set of mind. So, I tried to refocus my energy on the here. The now. 
What I can do here. What I can do now to make myself the healthiest Katy I can be. 
I mean, what's the point of beating myself up for Sunday's brunch? (ugh! I mean, it wasn't even a freaking special occasion & I ate like it was my damn last meal)

So. I am trying things a little differently. I've started reading this book because I think maybe I need a reminder of why it's good to eat well- outside of the results I see on a scale. I've been following Kimberly Snyder on Pinterest for a while. I've glanced at the general idea of her book & dietary teachings. It's a primarily vegan meal plan- which is fine with me- that focuses on cleansing your body with the food you eat every day- not just after a huge splurge. I'm not very far in, but so far I'm finding intersting. And what I love most is that she says no scale & no calorie counting & I say "O-FUCKIN-KAY."


I'll let you know what I think when I get more into it. 
So, I think I really am going to push my weigh-ins to once a month because "uuuugh", ya know?

Before stepping on the scale this morning, I said to myself, "Self", I said: 
"Don't be disappointed. You were way healthy this week, so whatever that machine tells you does not define your worth. Also, you've been mega freaking bloated the last couple of days, so take that into account, Self". 

Also, I did strength training yesterday. Does anyone else notice that? If I do tons of cardio- the scale goes down the next day, but when I pick things up & put them down for an hour, the next day the scale goes up. Do muscles... like.. retain water or something after a hard work out? 
If someone could please look that up for me, that would be appreciated. 

Anyway, while 125 wasn't my ideal- I wasn't devastated or anything. I have been feeling sluggish this week. And you know what- I was 125 lbs the day I graduated high school. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be thrilled to be the weight they were when they graduated high school ten years later. 

OK, so let's talk about something else now. Namely, a fitness studio called Beyond Fit. I've mentioned them a couple of times before.I had been waiting to write a "Spotlight On" until I'd gone more, but yesterday I was just so blown away by their customer service that I just have to show some love!

So, I am on my free trial here right now & have pretty much already decided that I am going to stay on after my first 10 classes (yeah, first 10 classes free! Plus- they do free boot camps like every other Sunday. Come with me, please. I'm so fucking awkward there by myself. If you can't come- at least bully Steve into going with me.)

So, last night I had signed up for the "Cardio Fit + Core Fit" class and when I got there the previous class was finishing up & as it turned out- I was the only one that had made it to that class! 
Oh, great. This is going to be really awkward-town, I thought. But it really, really wasn't! Chad, one of the coaches & owner was all like "are you okay going at it alone?". I totally gave him an out. I would not have been offended at all if he would have gone home early, but instead- I got my own class! 

Dude. Dude. No, seriously dude. What a freaking work out. I kind of thought I was going to barf after about the first 15 minutes,BUT I managed to keep my head in the damn game (though I am pretty sure I looked pretty pathetic. It's a lot easier to deal with looking pathetic when there are others in the class) 

The work out was a circuit. I love circuit workouts because of my small attention span. If I do something for too long I'll get really bored. Believe me, I was not bored with this one. There were 4 stations. Each station had two work outs. You did 10 of each workout & stayed at that station for 6 minutes. Do you follow? It doesn't really matter. I was a gross sweaty mess by minute 3 is really all you need to know. Like, sweat kept getting caught up in my eyelashes & making me wink & blink all weird. Does this mean I should start wearing sweatbands? (FASHION!!!!!!)

Hey! Here's a picture off their Facebook. This is from the last Sunday free event. See how everyone else is jumping onto the blocks & then there's that purple blurry blob having to step up one leg at a time? That's me! I'm the blurry purple blob. To be fair, I did try to jump, caught my foot on the edge of the box & fell on my hands at first (skills). So, midgets, you've been warned. Just step up so as not to scare the shit out of the people standing next to you. 

Anyway, yesterday's workout. The whole thing was crazy challenging, but I think the hardest part for me was the ropes. You know, when you hold a rope in each hand & flail your arms around like a nut? I've never hated those ropes so much as yesterday. When we got to this station & Chad very nonchalantly was like "Ok, so you're gonna do forty of these & then move onto the mats" I just assumed he was joking because I'm a sane person. 

"Forty?"
"Yeah, forty." He said all happy go lucky. 
Mother. Fucker. 

Can we just talk about how this was the worst experience of my life?
By the last round I was just... I just couldn't... it was just like... I just wanted to die, is what I'm getting at. 
But, somehow I managed to survive & tell the tale! I know, I deserve a goddamn medal from the government or something. 

So, yeah I'm sure I'll write more about Beyond fit in the future, but I just wanted to talk about how *special* they made me feel yesterday. 

This isn't about fitness, but it is about Austin- which is really what the other half of this blog is about. The city has declared tomorrow, June 22nd, the first annual Love your Rescue Pet Day!  Did you know that Austin is has been a no-kill city since 2011? 
As the parent of a rescue pet- I love living in a city that's so animal friendly. So, basically what I'm getting at is: GO ADOPT A DOG FROM APA OR THE HUMANE SOCIETY RIGHT NOW (STEVE). (How or why this post suddenly became all about making Steve do things he doesn't want to or isn't ready to, I'm not sure) (but seriously)

Adopting a rescue was both a great & frustrating experience. It wasn't easy, but oh man. I don't know what I'd do without him now. He's my baby. Here's a picture of him sitting on my butt, because that's what he does when he's nervous & at a new place (... and I happen to be laying on the floor.)

Some fun facts about my rescue dog:

• He has a Xanax prescription
• He is literally scared of shadows (if we're on a walk & a bird flies overhead & casts its shadow he PANICS)

Anyway, go out & get a foster dog to love tomorrow. You'll change a life. 
I once saw something that was like "I got a foster dog to save a life & it turned out he saved mine". Ok, that's not true with us, because as I mentioned- Teddy is afraid of shadows & could never save anyone BUT maybe your rescue will be that for you. 

I leave you with this video that Nicole posted on Facebook: 

I go through cycles of loving to run & just really feeling like I can't be bothered.
So, this week it has cycled back into the "fuck yeah! I'm a goddamn baddass. I'm gonna run outside" mentality. 
Let me tell you something, those first couple of runs after 2 or 3 weeks of not running is fucking difficult. 

Unless I'm really in a pinch- I say a run is at least 30 minutes or 3 miles (lemme tell you, the 30 minutes always comes before the 3 miles, but it does good things for my mind to have options) but I always strive for longer. 
Tuesday was my first run in ages & I had just got a new phone & hadn't uploaded  my music yet, so I was solely relying on the kindness of iHeartRadio. I always feel like these streaming radio stations are so hit & miss, but luckily the Robyn radio station was killing it for a solid 20 minutes so that at least got me into the groove.

Ok, listen to "Cobrastyle" and tell me it doesn't make you want to move around. You can't. You just can't do it. (also, remember Robyn's early stuff from the 90's? Ha! I totally forgot she sang that "Show Me Love". I'm sure she would prefer everyone forget...Thanks, iHeartRadio!)

So, anyway. On Tuesday after the first mile- I was really, really ready to stop, but I powered through. I was super winded. It was a little embarrassing  Luckily, the sun wasn't really up yet so no one driving by could tell that I looked like I had already been running like 6 miles in the Sahara desert in midday. 
Seriously, I was so gross. It was... it was gross. 

Once the 28th minute came around I told myself "Goddamnit, Hearne. You can go another 5 or 10 minutes. You can do anything for another 5 or 10 minutes" BUT -by what I am convinced is divine intervention- it started raining! 

In case you don't know: it doesn't really rain in Austin.. and also it was only sprinkling, but I took it as a sign from the powers that be that I had done enough for that morning & spent the last two minutes jogging home.

And then I ran again this morning & it was a little easier. I am always so sore all over my everywhere after a first in a long time run.

Anyway, as I mentioned: I got a new phone! Which means downloading all my apps again & uploading music & replacing contacts, etc... 
It also means fun new features. Like this distortion on my camera: 

Which brings me to an app questions. 
Don't worry: it's still about running because I know you guys are all dying to talk about my running routine more & more. 
Do you use any fitness apps that you just can't live without- specifically a running tracker with distance & pace tracked on it? I've been using Jog Tracker for ages. There's not really much to it & it just does what it's supposed to. My only gripe with it is the calorie counter is weird & I think inaccurate. (but I'm starting to shy away from calorie obsessing, so not a huge deal) For instance, this morning I ran for my 30 minutes & looked at the calorie count & it was approximately 230ish. 
So, then I switched to walking for the last leg of my walk & at the end of my journey it said 170ish calories... which... I mean... 
What?


Now, I've just downloaded MapMyRun. I haven't had a chance to use it yet so I don't know at the moment if I'm going to prefer it, but it looks like you can map out runs & see what others in the area are running- which seems neat. 
What do you use?


HEY! HERE'S MY NEW FAVORITE RUNNING SONG

It's fun, right? Isn't it fun? I think it's fun. 

As you may have noticed, I did not weigh in this week. 
And if you did not notice & you are a first time visitor, Hi! I'm Katy &  I didn't weigh in on Friday. 

In my ongoing crusade for body positivity (a concept that, sadly, just dawned on me like last week) stepping on a scale after the previous week did not seem like something nice to do to myself. 
While I am still maintaining my goals, still striving for that last goddamn 8 pounds to disappear, I think I need a little more analytical- nicer- approach to it sometimes. 

You think- "yes! Step on that damn scale. If you're not at a loss from last week it will be motivation to do better, goddamnit. I will do all the squaaaats"
& sometimes that is the result. 

But sometimes the result is "oh. I didn't lose any weight this week. I need some sadness cake" 

So, please allow me to tell you why I didn't weigh in this week in list form:

• white wine
• 2 cupcakes
• ice cream
• red wine
• half of a Nutella doughnut (fuuuuuck)
• Frozen mojitos 
• portobello alfredo (also, fuuuuuck. There has to be a healthy-ish version of this. I will find it & I will make the FUCK out of it) 
• vodka
• cheesecake. 
• I think that's it, but there was a lot of alcohol in there, so I can't be 100% certain
• oh, shit. I just remembered pizza

So, yeah. I've been kind of a food slut this week. Look! There's a cake for that one too! 

So, let me esplain myself, Lucy. 

Last weekend was my sister's bachelorette weekend. 
I feel that maybe that doesn't require any additional detail into the indulgence, but it was great. One thing that was great, is that we spent some serious time at the pool & I wasn't self conscious & looking for an escape method the entire time. I was able to have fun. This is huge for me. 
All of my sister's friends are really hot. So, for longer than I'd care to admit I have been worried about lounging amongst her & her bikini clad crew, but it was fine. Just having a new outlook on things is SO FUCKING LIBERATING (if I haven't mentioned enough)

It's like, look. I eat healthy most of the time. I exercise plenty. I'm strong & healthy & so if my body doesn't look like someone else's--- it's just not meant to. And I'm doing OK. 
OK?! 

That's us! Me & my beautiful seeester at the beautiful W pool where drinks are $15 & the security is on par with the goddamn White House. I bought a new swim suit from Target. This is me kind of fitting into a top from a department store, but my cup very nearly runneth over. ALSO! I cut bangs. Look at my bangs! 

And THEN on Thursday, my baby sister got a big deal award from the governor's office for being a badass. 
Or.. something about grades & community service. IDK, but we're super proud of her. Only like 5 kids out of the entire state receive this honor each year. Luckily, the ceremony was in Austin so I didn't have to travel (score!)
So, they had a luncheon for the families, so it pretty much would have been rude to turn down the delicious meal they provided (tho I did show some will power & split the cheese cake with my brother. 20 year old boys have all the metabolism).  

There's Kelli with her award & smart people money (I'm being told it's called a scholarship). Ain't she pretty? And there's me trying not to be in the picture & all kinds of failing. And that other person is my first ex-step mom because my family is confusing. 

BUT even though it wasn't a great week for healthy eating, I did manage to get the following workouts in: 

• super long elliptical work out
• average length-ed elliptical work out
• arm day
• Holy hell leg day
• Daaaaaance party with my sister (though someone brought pizza to the club, so that kind of negates all the dancing I got in)
• Strength training at Beyond Fit where I learned: surprise! I have been doing deadlifts pretty damn wrong. So- education! 

But now I've got a few weeks with no big events coming up, so head is in the game & that game is healthy eating. I'm looking to try some new recipes & classes in this upcoming week. 
Also, here's my new favorite site EVER! 

I'll leave you with some Thug Kitchen wisdom: 

I cannot stand this effing commercial. 
Cannot stand it. 
Can. Not. 
And the only thing that even made me notice it is when the one woman goes "I feel healthy" (notice how she totally avoids eye contact with the camera whilst making this claim...). 
Out loud- to no one- I said "Bullshit" & set to the internet to look up the ingredients to this product. & as I suspected: 
Bullshit called, muthafukas! This is far from a health food & if it makes you feel healthy, bitch get thee to a treadmill. 

And it makes me so mad that a huge company can throw the ingredient greek yogurt on something & play it off as a wholesome food. 

There is an obesity epidemic people! 
Though I will 100% agree that it is the consumer's responsibility to know what they are consuming- my amazement is at no end when I realize what some people believe to be healthy for them due to media outlets such as this damn commercial. 
Like, remember the lady that sued Nutella because her kids got fat?
No, Nutella should not have been advertised as a health food when the first ingredient listed it sugar (btw, if you don't, know ingredient are listed on the label starting with the ingredient they use the most). 

But then again, the parents should be reading the labels & not feeding their children anything if the first fucking ingredient is sugar.

I mean, just read the goddamn ingredients. For instance, at my job I am always getting junk food from vendors & realtors- that I then hand off to the nearest person that will take them (sometimes I get scratch off lottery tickets & I'd much prefer that, y'all. FYI). Then this conversation happened between me & a junk-bringer (who we'll call Sam. What a fun anonymous name)

Sam: So, I know you're a vegetarian (with a basket full of candy in arm)
Me: Yeah. (shit, please don't ask me why. Editor's note: no vegetarian wants to talk to you about they became a vegetarian. I just tell people I'm allergic now)
Sam: So... are you a vegan?
Me: Nope, just vegetarian. 
Sam: OK! So you'eat cookies?
Me: Um.. I mean, unless it's a special occasion or a much needed cheat day, no not--
Sam: So, no junk. 
Me: No junk. 
Sam: No junk at work. 
Me: don't touch the stuff. 
Sam: Got it. 

SO, today she brought me... this shit. And I totally don't expect them to bring me anything so it was nice of her to go out of her way & get something "healthy", but dude. The first ingredient on this bar is Corn Syrup. 

"Only 80 calories!" she said- omg-so-super-stoked-like! 

What I wanted to say was "ya know, I'm sure a tampon doesn't have many calories either, but would you eat that?" 
Of course, that's not what I said. 
But seriously, y'all. It's so sad that the average consumer thinks if "fit" or "wholesome" or "real" etc... is on the package that it MUST be healthy. 

So, back to the aforementioned healthy-feeling-making cereal. Let's examine the ingredients there. 

OK, so you can go here to read the ingredients & the nutritional info. But here's the basic gist: 

• The first ingredient is "Whole Grain Flakes". Ok, seems like a legit start. But then come the parenthesis to list the ingredients to the ingredient (bad sign) which second & fourth ingredient are are "sugar" & "corn syrup". 
  
• The Greek yogurt in questions? "Greek Yogurt Powder" is listed & then the parenthesis (never a good sign in ingredients!) it says "heat treated after culturing". WTF does that mean? What it means is that it is heated & then looses all it's probiotics which is like one of the main health benefits of Greek yogurt. 
• So, while we're on the subject of benefits of Greek yogurt- let's look at the protein. 5 grams? Seriously? Ya know how many grams of protein are found in a single serving of plain, fat free Greek yogurt? Up to 22g! Duuuude! In fact, let's look at an Oikos plain fat free Greek yogurt label

Seriously. Both the yogurt & cereal have a 1 cup serving size. Okay, this cereal has 230 calories per serving, 47 carbs (certainly not all complex either. look at all the damn processed sugar), & 13 grams of sugar. Also, an ingredient list that goes for days. One of the very first things I ever learned about nutrition is: if you can't pronounce it, you shouldn't eat it & if it has more than 3-5 ingredients: it's junk food. Also, if "sugar" is listed as an ingredient: it's junk (brown sugar is not better. cane sugar is no better. These are processed, simple sugars). So, let's see how many times "sugar" is listed on the side of the Honey Bunches box...
SIX TIMES! 
And yes, yogurt is processed, but no where near as much as like... all the breakfast cereals you see in on the shelves of H.E.B. And there are some delicious healthy recipes including fat free greek yogurt. Here's a few! 


Steve often for breakfast has a serving of Greek yogurt, raisins & all natural peanut butter. 
I love, love, love to do a packet or two of stevia & all natural peanut butter with a banana. Oh, dude. It's the fucking best. 
Also, if I'm having it for breakfast & just want something a little more carby: I'll make some quick oats (only ingredient: oats.), bake some apple (or pear) in the oven for a minute & throw it all in a bowl with some cinamon & Greek yogurt. It's AAAAAWESOME. 


Ok,so the moral of the story is: don't believe what's advertised. I know it sounds like a no brainer, but don't let the advertisements tell you what's healthy because they are lying.
Do. your. homework. y'all. 

Have you ever left a fitness class? 
Like just straight up walked out?
Rude. Really effing rude, right?

....I did on Thursday. 

... and then I saw that teacher at the gym this morning & - just like when I was dodging out of her class- I tried like crazy to avoid eye contact. 

So, on Thursday, I got to skip out of work a little early. I decided to check the schedule at my gym to see if there were any new classes that sounded fun & was just damn thrilled at the description of their "Body Jam". Advertising a booty-shaking good time & the promise to "get high on the feeling of dance" (no, not even making that up. Says that on the class description).

I did learn something new: if you're not sure how you're going to feel about a class- don't stand freakin' front & center. Get to the corner. Close to the door. Maybe do the warm up in the doorway. Couldn't hurt. 

I could tell pretty early on that this class wasn't for me. The music just wasn't my thing. It felt like .... like "Night at the Roxbury" music 

As I've mentioned (many times) before, if the music isn't moving me it's really hard for me to get into a cardio class. 

As much as I appreciate a good playlist in a yoga or boot camp class- it's not quite as necessary since you have something to focus on besides finding a groove.

But in a dance class, that's kind of the only thing you have to get you into it, ya know? 
And now, I'm not saying anything bad about the class or the instructor. There were a lot of ladies that were really fucking into it. I mean, like really. The instructor- Boni, I believe her name is- obviously had a following. There were plenty of women in this class of different ages & fitness levels that knew every step & really felt the groove of heavy bass 90's jams. I just wasn't on the bandwagon. 

So, after roughly 20 minutes of trying to get into it- they started to incorporate some mambos. 
I JUST CAN'T MAMBO, OKAY?! 
I just... I just can't do it. 
Sometimes if I'm just really into it I can find that groove. 
& sometimes if I really want to be into it I'll just do a step ball change move (and look really white, y'all), but this is not a move that comes naturally to me. So, I don't know why- but that was it. 

The thought that I'd be enjoying myself so much more on the elliptical wrapped up in the world that is my own finely crafted playlist crept into my head. Visions of Maclemore & Girl Talk & Ke$ha danced through my head. 
Yeah- whatever. I said Ke$ha (I hate the damn dollar sign. Why does she WANT to make me be so embarrassed to like working out to her?) I woulda been all like "FUCK YEA!" if Ke$ha ($ugh$) had come on. But... it didn't. & I needed to get home & walk the dog at the end of this hour & just decided, fuck it (eloquent, huh?)

Ya know, this is my time. I need to feel like I got a good workout. It doesn't mean this is a bad class, but I would just be getting more out of it on a solo adventure to the cardio jungle (what I am now calling that area of the gym that has all the ellipticals & treadmills). 

So, I just kind of took a few steps to the back of the class by my keys & water bottle. Took a few sips of my water. 
I looked up & yeah, she was looking right at me. 

how do I do this? How do I do this? Why... why did I get in the middle of the goddamn dance floor? Damnit, Hearne. Just. Just go. Head down. Eyes to the floor. Just go. 


And that's what I did. 

And then this morning. This morning I was really feeling the circuits I had created. And it was one of those days where I was so bummed I had to go get ready for work because I totally could have stayed at the gym for way longer than the hour I got. 
And there she was. Boni. & I know she saw- & recognized me. 
So, I just looked at my shoes. Feeling like a total bitchface. 

The thing is- the strength training exercises her &  her friend were doing looked really challenging & cool & part of me wanted to go be like "hey! Sorry, I hated your body jam class, but can I do this stuff with you? Also, 'body jam'. What a cheesy ass name, amirite?"


But, of course I didn't. So, what do you think? Should I have stuck with the class out of courtesy or is my time my time? Am I officially on someone else's time once that horrible music starts playing? 

I'm a nice person. I swear(ish. I swear-ish)! 

oh, my god. Why don't I effing touch up my toes before I take these pictures? Ugh! 
But anyway. I'm all in all pretty pleased today! It's annoying that the number on the scale isn't budging, but it's so encouraging that I've lost a half inch off my waist in the last month! 
And I mean- scales are so fickle. It's the measurements & the way your clothes are fitting that are the right way to track your progress anyway. 

I'm actually considering knocking my weigh ins down to once a month as it is a bit of a stress & I'm on a whole body positive kick right now & scales are kind of dicks sometimes, ya know? 

Can we talk about these Michelle Obamas real quick? (If you're new- I call nice lady arms Michelle Obamas, because she is my bicep role model) 
I was considering gong to yoga today, but the mere thought of it hurts. 
On Wednesday I went to an X FIT class at Beyond Fit. The X FIT class is described as a "High Interval Training Depletion". 


So, like let me set up the flow of this class for you. First, you start out on the TRX chords. (Christ, I love the TRX training. I'm honestly trying to figure out where I could set some up in my apartment. No where. They would fit nowhere is the answer my apartment is giving me) .
 So, we do a low row on the TRX chords for 45 seconds. Then you have a 15 second transition into the next work out. There are 4 workouts- all challenging- done in 45 second increments & you do the circuit 6 times & by the time you get to the last round you. are. depleted. 
And though it was a total body workout- my poor little arms are in pain. I mean, I like feeling sore because I like knowing that my I'm getting stronger, but.. but. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. 
Like, it sucks just to raise my arms above my head. So, the thought of doing planks or crow or any other arm strengthening yoga stance sounds like holy good god hell right now. 

So, I may just try spin again today. 

So, let's talk about my weekend. It's my sister's bachelorette party this weekend & I'm sure it's going to be a blast, but I am getting worried about my self control. 
I keep telling myself that I can have fun & still make smart decisions, but as I've mentioned before.....

Steve has told me just to not worry & have fun, but when I don't worry & just let my drunk munchies run unattended... well... (see above)
If things just get too out of control, I may try to do some sort of cleanse next week. Just to get my damn head back in the game. 

So, anyway... I don't know how to end this now. 
So, I'll do this

Stop. Stop. Stop what  you're doing. Just... put it down & look at me. 
Look. Look. Are you looking?
I just needed to tell you that you are fucking beautiful. Okay? 
No, no arguing. Beautiful. Fucking retardedly beautiful & I won't hear a  word against it- ok? 
Good, I'm glad that's settled. 

Let's talk about your body image real quick. My body image real quick. 
(warning: Real Talk)

Today I had to remind myself that just because I don't like my body doesn't mean I don't like myself. 
And then I had to tell myself that I needed to quit telling myself that I don't like my body. Because when I tell myself I don't like my body then I subconsciously tell myself that I don't like myself and then it's a vicious cycle that continues forever & that's just no way to live! 

Look, if your thighs touch right now.. they will probably always touch forever. & That's... okay. It has taken me 28 years to get this in my head & ya know what- it's damn liberating! This is how I am designed and all I can do is make it the healthiest it can be. 

My thighs are part of my legs. My legs help me do all the things I love (awkwardly, but I don't think that's their fault) like running & zumba & yoga & prancersising (hasn't gotten old yet)  & so for that - I need to quit criticizing.  
goddamnit. 

Ok, so I want to share a site I found with you guys when I decided to write a body positive post. At first I thought I would just put up some unrealistic "fitspo" images that are allllll over Pinterst and make some sarcastic crack about it (see above), but then I found this website: Beauty Redefined & I just got so inspired.
Seriously, if for nothing else- visit this site for the Photoshop Phonies section. It's... it's just really amazing that we- even on a totally subconscious level sometimes- are beating ourselves up for not looking like the people in the magazines who in real life look like normal people! PEOPLE! C'mon

But seriously. The whole site is just one big, compiled source of "you're okay. You're fucking beautiful". I believe the site's creators even have billboards of the above (very top) throughout the state of Utah. It's very much against body shaming (of all types because that can often effect the naturally very thin too) & how media is profiting out of screwing with our minds. 

I found this particular quote really thought provoking 
" This sinister lie that female worth is dependent upon appearance is incredibly successful," 
So, what they're at is that there are many outlets profiting from us stuck in the rut of "don't like my body, don't like myself" because then we go out & buy oh, I don't fucking know... shakeweights? 

So, I guess my thesis of this whole post is: you're beautiful. 
Of course, take care of yourself. Make healthy choices.
Or not! What the hell do I know. 
Except you are beautiful. I'm gonna end this with a real quick look at some photoshop of horror material!